Frustrating

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sherry Hart on January 28, 2012 at 2:56pm

I don't blame you for being upset.  We all understand our men work hard and their need to sometimes play hard, but to ignore you at home is insensitive to say the least.  Have you talked to him when he is home and told him how you feel?  Two-way communication is important in a relationship and can't be all one-sided for two weeks at a time (I'm making the assumption he works two weeks on/two weeks off).

Permalink Reply by Carly W. on January 29, 2012 at 10:50pm

I struggle with this too, but not as much as I used to. My boyfriend tries to contact me a little more now that he knows how important it is to me. I really had to explain to him that I don't need a deep meaningful conversation every night because I know how busy he is - but that I do need to have some indication that I am thought about. It was a compromise for both of us: I need to be contacted every night, whether text or call, and I am not to expect him to have deep and meaningful conversations. It was a relief to him in a way because he thought that I needed more than he could give (and he would get frustrated and quiet and angry!) and it was a relief to me because I realized that I don't need as much as I thought. That being said, he does turn pretty inattentive when he goes away to work. I try to tell myself that there are two of him - the home him and the work him. Though he is the same man, he turns a little inattentive when he is away. Sometimes he can be careless with my feelings. I asked him why this was, and he explained that it was because if he started to admit to missing me and missing home, it would make his work that much harder. I can understand that, because what they do is hard. 

But I know how you feel. Bar-hopping oilfield men are engrossed with having fun and letting loose - sometimes at our expense. My man can be. We have talked a lot about it though and he agrees to leave his phone in sight so that he can see if I text, and I agree to not expect too much conversation out of him. We both agree to contact each other at the end of the night though.

I'm not sure if sharing my experience has helped you, but my biggest advice would be to talk to him about what bothers you when you are NOT emotional (hard for me!). They listen better when they aren't distracted by tears or worrying if we are going to snap! LOL! Ahhh, oilfield :(

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Ann Goforth on February 3, 2012 at 11:01pm

I am sorry that he doesn't call you.  I know that part sucks.  Ironically enough, my man's daughter gets upset that she never hears from her man while they are working.  My boyfriend has his son-in-law person working for him, along with the son-in-law's brother.  The brother contacts his wife and my boyfriend's daughter knows I hear from her dad so it p***** her off that she never hears anything.  I feel for her, just like I do you.  Best of luck to you and I hope things get better for you!

Permalink Reply by Kat Wayne on February 4, 2012 at 11:04pm

Sometimes you just need to Vent....but just do yourself a big favor..hopefully there is no kids involved yet...and if there isnt..please make sure you can live this life before you do have them..because men have a cunning way of reeling you back in when you are on the verge of not taking it anymore..I love my husband to death...but I made him make a commitment that he has to talk to me an hour everyday whether it be 1/2 hour before he goes to bed and 1/2 hour when he wakes up or all at once...I need to be able to feel that connection with him...I have a 6 and 5 year old and he missed 3/4 of their lives being away and it is very hard on them..so just remember you have to do what is best for you..but if you love him you will also take him as he is...

Permalink Reply by C. Hotshot Neuman on February 3, 2012 at 12:07pm

It is not the rigs making him that way it is him.  Regardless of what he does for a living he will treat you that way.   My man treats me like a princess and is there for me whether he is pushing a rig or at home...that is how it should be ALL the time.  Re-think what you want in a relationship...there are alot of good men out there, including righands:)

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Ann Goforth on February 3, 2012 at 10:55pm

No, I assure you that you are not crazy here.  My man is a driller that just won't leave that position even though he can and has been a pusher.  I have issues with him when he comes home talking to me like I am one of his hands.  (He is such a control freak that he turned down a company man job last year!!! He would have had to leave that floor if he had taken the spot.  Now that is my opinion of crazy, just to clarify.)  He cusses and says things that drive me nuts at times.  When he works his 7 nights, he comes home everyday.  The 7 days he has off work he is mostly caring and all, but he does tend to bring the rig home with him when he works.  If he was stressed at work, he tends to stress me when he gets home.  We have been together over 9 months as a couple and have been friends nearly a decade, just FYI.  He still comes home cranky and I have to constantly remind him I am here to help him so he shouldn't be nasty to me.  He is gone 15 hours a day though, so he barely gets enough sleep.  I know he loves me but he doesn't show some days when he is on his week on.  Hope this helps!

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by Kat Wayne on February 4, 2012 at 10:59pm

I 100% know where you are coming from....I actually talk to my husband about this all the time...He gets that bachelor mentality...and I told him I would probably be able to take the rigs alot better if he gave me the same emotional support that he gives me when he is home..and he goes into the oh you are always going to whine and grind..and doesnt matter how much I prove to him that I dont...he continues on....you are definately not crazy..it is just that a woman hates feeling that she is married but single..I feel the same way..