Hey Ladies, need advice

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by angiem357 on August 27, 2011 at 12:09pm

I'm sorry you feel this way. I've been there! I was there every single hitch until my boyfriend was fed up and quit altogether. He comes from a family of oilmen and he'd just had enough.

I just learned to be a good actress. I sucked at it most times. I know that didn't help one bit but just know you're not alone. I hope someone else can give you actual advice on how to handle it.

Permalink Reply by Angelic Calderon on August 28, 2011 at 8:10am

Hello Lesley,

 The best thing to do is try to fill your time. I don't know if you work or not. I myself don't and my kids recently went back to school so my cure was adopting a second dog. Puppy training really fills your time. :).

 Finding a hobby or interest that maybe you would never have the time to try. I find the evening time is the hardest. Maybe reading or music and painting. If you have never tried it, it may sound weird, but painting a ceramic piece really takes your mind off of things because you have something your focused on.

  The money thing?!?!?! That one is hard but after a while it will work itself out. We are having a difficult time with that right now also because my husband went from a 14 and 14 to a 7 and 7.....we had all our bills set up for a 14 and 14 for two years and now its all messed up.....The only thing that helped us is he did a couple work over's and got straight overtime and that was a life saver for our bills but hard on us......Just remember, It's hard on him to and he is missing you just as much and if you have a smile in your voice when he calls instead of a tear it makes his job easier to do. It can be a tough life but in my opinion worth it,(Once you get used to it). The people we have met that my husband works with and their wives/girlfriends and family have been some of the nicest people.

 Hope you find your balance of what works for you.:)

Permalink Reply by Kellie Kennedy on August 30, 2011 at 3:11pm

 

I deal with my husband being gone by staying busy! A lot of people tend to loose touch with friends when they are married. Reconnect with some old friends..go shopping, get a tan, see a movie! My husband is working in the  U.K. right now so he is 7 hours ahead of me...I find it helps to email him right before I go to sleep and when i wake I have a response from him..so I still get to talk to him right before I go to bed and when I wake up!  With the work situation..just listen to his worries and know that bad times make us appreciate  the good ones!

Permalink Reply by Kayla Jean Scull on September 12, 2011 at 1:26pm

Hey Lesley well I want to tell you that you never really get used to it but u Learn to deal with it. I've been with my husband for 8 years and I still miss him. Luckily his schedule is 22 on and 6 off trust me it has been worse! But anyhow just know that he is out there gone all the time to support you. That's usually a comforting way to look at it. What position is your boyfriend? On shore or off?

Permalink Reply by Angie on September 14, 2011 at 2:28pm

Lesley,

I am new to this whole thing too. My husband has been gone over a month now. He is due for his 7 days of and will be heading home in another week. He is in ND and I am in MN, he is working 6 days with 1 off and it is at 5 weeks or more at a time. I still dont have the lingo down yet LOL. It is hard, and I agree with what another lady told you, keep busy, I work fulltime and even got a second job to keep busy, we have kids and they too keep me busy. With skype, the phones we keep in touch daily, but its not the same as having him here but its better then nothing. The one thing is you have to stay strong, be the backbone of the family, keep it together for everyone as best as you can,  it is as hard for these men as it is for us gf's and wives. No one understand what its like unless you are living it, it hit me one day that I understand now what the milatry families go through with their loved ones away, I know its not the same, our men our not in a war zone but I think we can kind of relate. My husband was in edge to for a minute, its alot of training, classes, etc, it is alot for them to learn, more then I realized. You dont ever get use it to, you just learn to deal with it and work through it, thats why we are all here for one another.

Permalink Reply by Christine McCulloch on September 25, 2011 at 3:50pm

Hello Everyone!!

I am a flight attendant who lives in Chicago & my husband has been in the oil business since his 20's.  (we're 47 now).  He at one point in time left to pursue a position as a teacher, going on to get a Masters and then a Doctorate in Educational leadership.  He went on to be a principal, then a superintendant, then went into the private sector as a a VP running an educational foundation for an international company.  He was all over the world travelling, sometimes we would spend weeks apart at opposite ends of the world, with time changes from 2 to 16 hours apart.  We had days sometimes where we would kiss passing in the airport!!  He finally went back in to the oilfields as a DD & even though he works in CA now, I love that I can go out & cuddle with him between 12 hour towers. 

We have found that by trying to plan our time off together and do romantic or family things as opposed to us getting together to discuss bills & kids & broken things around the house, we take the time to reconnect first then go on to discuss the everyday "business" things which need to be discussed.  We have a rule of no "business" the first or last day we see eachother because we don't want that to be the first thing we have to face when we see eachother, nor the last. 

Other people may want to just get the "business" out of the way first, only you can decide what works best for you. 

While we are apart, because our time together has been about us, we find that it keeps us going until we see eachother again.  We do yoga, kickboxing, and work out together, so when we are apart we do yoga together over skype.  It keeps us on track, focused & connected.  I fly all over the world & have friends all over the world, but we have always talked to eachother at least 5 or 6 times a day.  He knows what my favorite things to do are and places to go in every city I fly to.  While it's important to find ways to keep busy when we're apart, we find it's more important to stay connected so we don't have to reconnect.  We worked hard to find our balance and we do reevaluate every so often to keep it fresh.  He is my best friend.