How to make a relationship work in the oilfield

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Permalink Reply by Lora Romero on October 13, 2009 at 1:58pm

Its not an easy life. But our family motto is " Ya gotta do what you gotta do". With 4 young kids at home we basically had 2 lives, the days on then the days off schedules..You just decide whats important and adjust your thinking and lives for your roughneck.

Permalink Reply by Carly W. on October 16, 2009 at 12:29pm

I'm in a relationship with an oilfield man too. We've been together for 8 months now - so not very long. I find it really hard when he leaves, but it does get a little bit better! At first I would get sad and I would cry before he would leave and I would let him see it. Then I realized how much that hurt him as he didn't ask to be constantly sent away, and I found that it got a lot easier for me when I fake a strong face. He promises to at least text me a goodnight every night and if we're lucky, the camp he is in includes Internet and we can chat a bit on MSN, as most of his camps don't have cell reception.

I let myself miss him for a few days. Then I force myself to cheer the hell up and get out and do things. I am friends with some of the girlfriends of the other guys he works with and getting together with them when I can REALLY helps out (most of them live about 4 hours away though, but it's worth the drive) as they know first hand how much it bites to not have our guys around.

One thing that I realized is that the days together are always very, very awesome. Absence really does a wonder on the small amount of time you spend together.

It gets better! And you aren't alone. These guys are worth it :)

Permalink Reply by Ticia Rhodes on October 16, 2009 at 2:52pm

Thanks for the help! All my girlfriends think I am crazy for being with him, they don't understand why I would want to be with someone that isn't here all the time. I do cherish the time that I am with him and he is here...but always seem that right before he leaves I get really sad and either cry or we get into an argument.

Most of the time he doesn't have cell reception or he is super swamped and can't talk to me or text...so there could be days that I dont hear from him : ( I am a very secure person and do not have many jealous thoughts, but since I have been with him I have heard horrible stories of the life of an oilfield worker and the cheating and partying that they do. I trust him and trust in us that he wouldn't do that....but it is HARD!!!

I try to keep myself busy when he is gone so the time won't be so painful.

Thank you so much for talking to me and giving me some insight : )

Permalink Reply by Carly W. on October 18, 2009 at 2:26pm

I've been out with my guy and his oilfield buddies and they do drink like fish. Some of them are just like the horror stories you've heard - cheating and such. But I think that if a guy were to cheat, he'd cheat regardless of where he works. I trust in him, but I still get him to call me or text me or leave me a facebook message before he heads to bed. He used to have a hard time with it and he didn't really understand why it matters so much that we are able to talk when we can. But he's very understanding now. At the beginning, it was really hard.

I've come to the conclusion that when my man is at work, he is very different from the sweet man who I live with. He has to be, though. This line of work can be pretty dangerous, so he has to be in the right head space and I need to be less selfish. Talking to other partners/wives of these oilfield guys really helps because they are ALL in the same boat that I am. He can be a bit of a chump when talking to me on the phone with other guys around, too!

Try not to let him see you upset. My guy gets incredibly defensive if I get sad. He knows I'm sad when he's gone and he doesn't need the visual proof. He loves his work, but he hates the fact that it's so far away and he has to live in a camp. I think he does enjoy getting away from me a bit, though ;) Let's be honest - they are men!

My best advice would to try to make something special of the last night you're with him before he goes. It's HARD not to be mopey and even cry, but get out and watch a movie or do something that will take your mind off of it.

Permalink Reply by erin on November 7, 2009 at 9:15pm

Im new to the site but not to the life. I married my roughneck over 10 years ago. Marrages dont last living apart. If they are gone for more than a week my advice is move with them or move on. The money is great but it goes fast with layoffs and companys folding. I have 4 kids as well. The oldest is 9, the youngest is 1. I found a nitch when the shut downs came this winter by going into sales for the rigs. good luck and hang on.

Permalink Reply by Stacy Lindberg on October 10, 2010 at 9:51am

I agree 110 percent on the jeckle and hide syndrome they are one way at the rig and another at home. They call mine "task master" and they mean it. I've seen him manage construction crews before the oilfield and I told many people that I could never work for a boss like him. but in the patch you need the get stuff done additude. I've been with mine for 10 years and married 6 he's been in the patch 7 years.

Permalink Reply by Mary Price on November 15, 2010 at 9:56am

My husband works in Africa and is on a 33-28 day schedule!! People ALWAYS ask me how i can stand for him to be gone so much, my reply is "how can you stand to have yours home so often?!?!?!" We LOVE it when the daddy is home, but for me and my kids, it's the norm for us!! I grew up in the patch, and so I have not known what it's like to have my husband home every night for dinner, and home every weekend!! I couldn't imagine my hubby working in a stuffy old office, or a bank, He has the patch in his blood and I suppose we do as well!!!

Permalink Reply by Pippy Reaux on November 29, 2009 at 11:08am

I have been with my husband 14 years and plan on staying with him. It's a bit lonely; however when he is home we have a good time. You just have to be strong.

Permalink Reply by Melissa House on December 3, 2009 at 1:06pm

I have the most amazing boyfriend ever, yea he's gone every other week. but we know if we was together every week we'd probably get tired of each other, and not to many couples are as close me and him. he knows me better then anyone. everytime he goes to leave i cry, he knows its gonna happen. and its not that he leaves by choice, because he doesn't want to leave me. but he loves his job, and i would never ask him to give it up. his job has made him that wonderful man he is. he takes care of me and my son. and i'm used to him leaving, and i know he'll always come back home to me. he loves that i cry for him, but he hates it at the same time. and i'm thankful that i do get to talk to him everyday he's gone, he makes sure of that. once he gets off he calls me for a couple mins, then he'll text me till he goes to sleep. and i've found that when he's gone i write letters to him lettin him know what he's missed the week he's gone, what happened that i didnt get a chance to tell him, how much i love and miss him. he loves it. he
s probably got enough to make a novel by now. but he's everything to me, and i dont know what i'd do without him. it gets super hard sometime, but i know i'd rather wait on him forever then not have him at all. he's the love of my life, in such short time he became my love my life my everything...

Permalink Reply by Kimberly marcantel on February 22, 2010 at 8:02am

I have been out with my my boyfriends crew and yes some of them drink but they are all very nice very respectful men they are like family to us all help each other out and i think that is how it should be

Permalink Reply by Stacy Lindberg on October 10, 2010 at 9:48am

your lucky I've been around different crews and different guys my hubby started out in the patch with and they are loud rude bunch of s*** heads but we all need to be loved each one has kids and has been divoreced and it was no wonder why. Now that my hubby has made driller he has tried to help out a few of the old hands that gave him a start and most of them can't be hired now due to convictions or child support issues. some of them are just beyond help.

Permalink Reply by Megan SMith on March 11, 2010 at 1:28am

We have been doing to oilfield life for 3 years. We recently moved to North Dakota from Texas. I'm not going to lie it's been hard, especially in the begining, getting used to all the time apart. Then he lived up here for 5 month before I came up, and that was even harder. But abscent makes the heart grow fonder. There is no secret formula to make things work. Its alot of hard work and trail and error. One piece of advice I can give you is take advantage of every moment you have with him. I'm not a morning person at all, but most days I get up with him, make breakfast, and stay up til he leaves, thats an hour we wouldn't have had if I would have just stayed asleep. Drive him to location, go with him to do laundry or go grocery shopping. You gotta get that extra time in when you can. And pray about it, I find this helps in any situation. Best wishes...hope all goes well.

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