How to make a relationship work in the oilfield

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Permalink Reply by Melissa House on March 11, 2010 at 1:34pm

i am with him pretty much every minute he's home...hell i even go in the bathroom with him sometimes. i love him and miss him so much when he's gone.. Which we're getting married in July, and it was hard to pick a date that i'll know he'll be home on. and since that we getting married on a saturday and since he leaves on tuesdays were not going to have our honeymoon till the next week he comes home so wedding one week and honeymoon a week after that lol. Which he's off next Saturday so he's goin to Davids Bridal with me to pick out my dress. lol sounds lame. but even though he's gone every other week i want him to be a part of every bit of our wedding planning, he's a big help too. his opinion matters most to me. we spend every waking moment together. he's my everything and more. and if i have to wait for him everyother week i will, i will longer if i have too. but i about lose my mind just bein away from him that one week. so i told him his limit was 2 weeks on 2 weeks off anything else i cannot handle, and he knows not to push my button cause i cry so much when he leaves. and he don't wanna be gone more then he has to be. he was gone valentines day so the week before he was going to go get my presents and i didnt wanna stay home by myself without him so he let me go...i love my roughneck with all my heart and more..

Permalink Reply by Melaina Gautier on March 25, 2010 at 1:26pm

Hi Ticia:

I too am new to this gig my husband started his job February 15, 2010 and has already been gone 37 days and home for 54 hours, he had to leave during my birthday lunch.

I wish I had some wonderful advice, but I think this support group is a wonderful start, I too tell myself "it's not forever" and it definitely helps. We have 2 little boys that keep me busy and them not understanding is hard but they have adjusted.

I would love to chat with you and together we can make our relationships with your boyfriend and my husband work. Try to take day by day. Thinking of you and best of luck. Melaina

Permalink Reply by Victoria Pace on May 25, 2010 at 12:44pm

We were married 3 years ago, this month. The day before our anniversary we find out he's heading out of town - again. In the 4 years I've been involved with the oilfield, I've seen quite a few marriages breakup. Some women just can't take the alone time. I've learned that a big part of the secret is to focus on the time you have with him and not the time when you don't - because we all know - the oilfield has them way more than we do. And one of the biggest mistakes you can make is to blame them because they're gone. EVERYONE around me knows that when my Big Dawg is home - it's Big Dawg time. I don't chat on the phone or computer, go shopping with friends or anything else that isn't focused on my Frac Daddy. BUT - we talked a long time ago and it helps a *lot* that he understands that sometimes - Momma's at a breaking point and needs to talk about it. He knows that I don't blame him, he gets that I love him but I have a love/hate relationship with the company. I'm also as involved with his crew as I need to be. When he's proud of them or they've been busting it for him for a while - I'll step up and bake cookies, or a HUGE container of food and send for them. When he's disgruntled and tired I hold him and say nothing to anyone he works with. As far as his schedule - I have the great fortune to not *have* to work - so I keep his schedule. If he's gotta go out at 1AM, I lay with him until he's asleep, then get up and get about making sure his stuff is organized and ready to go when he gets up, then I wait around and wake him up. No matter what the time, I'm awake when he leaves and awake when he comes home. We've also agreed to leave the oilfield behind during his days off - only occasionally do we socialize with the crew but when we do - we always just cut loose - cuz that's usually what they ALL need. We talk and text ALL the time. He sends me pictures of the sunrises and sunsets and I send him pictures of silly stuff going on at home. When he was working out of town, we set up webcams so that he could sit down for a couple of minutes and watch what was going on at home. Thank goodness for cellphones and laptops with air-cards.
I guess you all get the picture - We take this life that we've chosen and we pick out every single moment and treat it like it's a very special moment, because every single moment we get together is special.

Permalink Reply by Jamie Jenks on May 27, 2010 at 7:30pm

I feel for all of you ladies. Victoria, Melissa, Carly - I agree with u all. It is very hard but you do have to try to hide any depression about him going back to work the best you can. I had such a hard time at first and I still do but I show it less because I know he doesn't want to go back either after being home with me for 7 days. We also used to get into arguments and I would cry, or I would just cry...period when he had to go to work because I do get so lonely, especially since he is gone at night. At least I get to stay home and kind of be on his schedule since I haven't been working since feb. So I make him dinner, make sure he is awake, make sure he has his rig clothes clean and ready and walk him out everyday. We usually get about an hour together before he goes to work. I am also very fortunate that he only works about 15 min. away from our house now, it was soooo much harder when he had to actually be gone for 7 days. We have been together 2 1/2 yrs. and will be married 2 yrs. in Aug. I made the choice to be with an oilfield man and therefore I chose this lifestyle. I look forward to his days off so much and we do our best to make the most of them. They go by so much faster than days on lol.

Permalink Reply by Victoria Pace on June 30, 2010 at 10:16am

Ticia, I just wanted to add that I read about your girlfriends thinking you're crazy for being with him - but I've come to learn that not only are these guys a breed-apart from other working men - they are a breed-above in most cases, simply because they learn to appreciate the things that most men take for granted - and that includes the woman that tolerates and supports their schedule. In 3 years I've never once felt as though my Big Dawg takes me or our life together for granted. Other men have quantity time to spend at home and therefore lose their appreciation for cuddling, doing things together, and peaceful quiet loving moments - our men know well how very special these moments are and more times than not they show it. Our patience, kindness and understanding (taking the short end of the stick every time it comes around) seems a very small compromise by comparison to what our men give back to us when they are home. Hang in there, hon.

Permalink Reply by Kelly Lynn Ogilvy on July 9, 2010 at 10:59pm

It's tough that's for sure but the key is keeping yourself occupied with work or a hobby while he is gone. Spend time with your friends, just keep busy so you don't end up feeling depressed... My husband was on a month on/month off schedule & now he will be going to a 3 week on/2 off schedule. He calls me every night and we email & facebook to keep in touch. When he is home we spend most of all of our time together visiting with family & friends or just spending quality time together alone. I do get lonely and at times I even cry when he is gone but my love for him keeps me strong : )

Permalink Reply by delonda lee harris on July 30, 2010 at 9:22pm

i agree with all of the replys, but i had to learn the hard way that keeping urself busy is the key, it is the best stradagy i have found yet. i have 4 young children to keep up with but that does not keep me from missing him, not to mention that we r having to plan our wedding around work but these men are worth every moment u r missing them, it makes the home coming that much better, just hang in there and maybe it will get easier.

Permalink Reply by Stacy Lindberg on October 10, 2010 at 9:59am

Some of you may remember the post I've made in the past when this group was just getting start my man and I filed for divorce and came back from that and we are now building a house and trying to make a life for our kids. We have agreed to put them first so he has his life and I have mine and some days we get to meet in the middle. The only big issue we have is money. We are trying to save for the final closing on our constructio loan and like most roughnecks mine likes to spend money when he is home. He drink a lot of beer and can't see the cost behind it. I'm terrible with money but when I spend money it's on stuff for the kids like eating out the kids and I eat out some because I'm alone and I work and have been doing all the errands for the new house and I've been putting around 60 plus miles a day on my car to keep up with contractors and such so when I get home I don't want to cook soooo I order pizza or stop a deli or stuff like that and yes I know I need to stop those kins of spending but when he lost a bet over hockey at the rig he bought $45 in beer to settle the bet so it goes back and forth. When you talk about staying busy with friends or hobby's we have no money to stay busy with those kinds of things so I don't get the time to stay busy. I try to put everything into the new home but untill it's done and we can move in I'm not sure what I'll do. Good luck to all the wives in the patch and god bless.

Permalink Reply by Cari Hansen on October 10, 2010 at 9:49pm

Stacy
I read all your recent posts and it seems like you are really angry and that you don't have the best relationship with your husband. What I am going to say is this: Just because your marriage doesn't work the way you expect or just because your husband feels like blowing money or just because you decided only to stay with him for your kids doesn't mean you can tear the rest of us down. I am not sure if you wanted compassion for your problems in your marriage, a place to vent but if you are that unhappy with who your husband is perhaps you should re evaluate why you choose to stay married because from your posts you don't seem very positive.

Permalink Reply by Megan Beard on October 11, 2010 at 1:13am

My husband and I were high school sweethearts. We started dating the first part of our Sophomore year and haven't been apart since. We graduated on a Sunday and the fallowing Thursday he left for work in the Gulf and has been there ever since. Now, I'm 23 and he is 24. Is being involved with someone gone as much as our guys easy? Well of course not! He misses holidays, birthdays, special events, and time with his family. I think we all knew what we were getting into when we signed up with our oilfield hands. Its no secret! They are rough, tough, dirty, hard working men who give all they can 12+ hours at a time. Sometimes I wonder if I should just tell him to pack up and bring it home. He has always said if it EVER gets too much just say the word and he'll be on the next thing smoking...lol. He loves his job and I know without question he loves me too. I get atleast 3 phone calls a day granted the darn phones are working. If not, you can bet money I'll have a message on facebook. Lunch brake call is no more than 30 seconds but its enough for an "I love you nug" and THATS what keeps me rolling. He is an amazing man who at 24 years old owns a home, 2 cars and 2 trucks, a bass boat, and allows me to go to college without working. I too think the key is to keep busy. Sitting at home whinning about the guys being gone will get you NO WHERE but unhappy. My house couldn't possibly be more clean the three weeks he is gone and couldn't be more messy when he is home. We both take our life 1 day at a time and sometimes 1 phone call at a time. I have to stay strong in order for him to stay safe. I know that if he called home just once and I was upset about him not being here either he would get hurt thinking about what is wrong with me or he would be headed home. When he is home, everything is about us and what we wanna do. Doesn't matter to me if he has be sitting on the lake in the blazing sun without a single fish biting or curled up watching a movie. My phone never rings when he is home for good reason. I'm available 3 weeks to do whatever, but when he is home, its Big Daddy's time. One thing I do for him is everytime I pack his bags for work I always pack him a "suprise". It doesn't matter if its a note saying I love him wrote in permanent marker, a bag of candy, a 20 oz. bottle of mountain dew with the lable torn off and "a little bit of home" wrote on it. Its really the simple things to keep us both going.

Permalink Reply by Cari Hansen on October 11, 2010 at 11:09pm

Hi Megan
Well it sounds like you understand the life of the oilfield, and for that I give you props. It definitely is not easy for any relationship however it sounds like the two of you know how to support one another and that is awesome! Welcome to the site!

Permalink Reply by Megan Beard on October 12, 2010 at 4:36pm

Thanks Cari! As you know, its tuff stuff, but we all do whatever we can to get thru it. He came home today!! He called and said that he was about 2 hours away so I was stomping around waiting on him then all of a sudden he walked in the door. Best suprise ever!! Now, he is passed out in the livingroom floor just like he always does. He always says he isn't going to sleep but it never fails, he always does...lol. It's alright...I'd rather have to walk around him then not have him home.

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