How to not make it about *me*

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Randi on August 25, 2009 at 10:43am

I understand your frustration. The oilfield gets in their blood and is pretty much all they can think about. Have you ever thought of it from his point of view? Maybe he is working his a** off to provide a better life for his family, you. The oilfield is good money. I hated it when my husband was off working, but we always had groceries in the fridge and gas in the car. When he is home you should go do something special to let him know you appreciate all the work he does for yall. I know our guys miss us when they are away, they just can't think about it all the time, or someone might get killed or hurt. They need to think about the job and all the safety stuff while they are at the rig so they can come home to us. It will get easier over time. Just hang in there. There is a great support here with all these oilfield wives. Welcome to the group!

Permalink Reply by Patsy Brown on August 25, 2009 at 4:02pm

Hey Carly, just hang in there dear. Been in and out of the OF since the 80's and realized pretty quick that I was really married to the OF. As far as being #2, it's really not a bad spot to be in considering the alternative.... These roughnecks just love their jobs, it really has nothing to do with us. It takes mine a couple of days to come off his OF high and then we're back to norm. I agree with Randi, just be proud you have him and that he's a good supporter, stay busy and love him up when he's home, believe me, he will be thinking about you when he's gone... and welcome aboard, wonderful bunch of people on this site!

Permalink Reply by Kim Mullen on August 25, 2009 at 5:23pm

Welcome Carly, I have to agree with Randi and Patsy the oilfield gets in their blood and yes Patsy I have seen that oilfield high also (really annoying). Oilfield men are like no other! God Love em!

Just pamper him when he's home and enjoy that time together it will get you through a lot. The being away from home comes with the job, it's called," chasin the rigs". These guys gotta go where the work is if they want to work. I rather have him be happy working than being miserable not having a job, even with all the sacrifices.

All you can do is take care of yourself when he is gone, try to make him some meals for the freezer so he can have some good home cooking when he is away. Make friends in your new local, do volunteer work. Do the things you want to do when he is away, then when he is home make it all about him.

Permalink Reply by Carly W. on August 25, 2009 at 6:45pm

Thank you so much, ladies. I feel 200% better. It really isn't about me, it's about him and his love for the job. I'm happy that he is so passionate about something. Maybe it's jealousy on my part. I wish I could feel as good about my job as he feels about his. But I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't his #1 when he's at home. He does treat me like gold :)

I work fulltime and spend the rest of the time looking after my dog, but I do have to find hobbies.

I'm sure he'd love it if I learned how to cook!

Permalink Reply by Kim Mullen on August 26, 2009 at 10:32am

You Tube is a great avenue for the young gals who need to learn some cooking skills, I wish they would have had that around when I was learning. It is so much easier to watch someone do something that to read a cookbook.

Just pick one thing each week to try, don't worry if it doesn't come out perfect, it takes a while to learn all the tricks in the kitchen, need any help just let me know. I do a lot of cooking, especially baking. :)

Permalink Reply by Overshot on September 11, 2009 at 9:17pm

Hi Ladies,

I stumbled into your section here by accident, so please don't shoot me, I know I'm in the wrong room :-|
Just wanted to add my two bits worth from the guys perspective and maybe it will help a bit.

Working the patch is a demanding and challenging line of work, it's complicated and it has more than just a bit of danger associated with it. For most "men", this is the kind of stuff that we thrive on; it reinforces the primal need to face significant threat/challenge and overcome it. I know, we should have evolved out of this eons ago, but for those of us where the testosterone runs strong, we're hardwired this way, it's the hunter deep down inside us.

And for the most of us who find a mate who can tolerate/accept this, we also find a great deal of satisfaction in being able to provide for our families through this. Again, it's the hardwired hunter in us, providing for those who care about and depend on us.

We get GREAT satisfaction out of this line of work. Believe me, working a line of work that is satisfying is SO much better than some line of work that may pay better but leaves us frustrated and incomplete at the end of the day (been there more than a couple times). We feel better about ourselves and in turn are better providers as a result (my beloved of 31 years can attest to that, I was a miserable SOB to be around for most of that time because I was working the wrong careers).

Please don't take our love of the work to mean that we love your less, it is actually the other way around. We do this work because we want to provide for and be the best we can for our loved ones; because deep down inside, this is the best way we know how to show we care.

Permalink Reply by Kim Mullen on September 18, 2009 at 10:41am

Tony I can identify with what you have said in your post. Oilfield is all Mike has ever done and was happy with. He really is not happy unless he is at the brake handle and drilling ahead. Yes the money has a lot to do with it, but there is something very primal about running a rig, you are right on about that!

Permalink Reply by Jackie Smith on September 13, 2009 at 8:28pm

Well I'm new to this board (1st post), however I'm about 7 years into a rig-wife relationship so I do have some expertise. I hope I don't come across as rude, I'm just sharing my honest opinion, oh and please note that I'm from Alberta so my experiences may differ greatly from those in the states.
1. 15/6 is pretty d@amn good!
2. Nothing YOU do will give you "More Time" with your man. YOU cannot control how much he works...sometimes he can't even control that! So moving up North isn't going to solve that, especially since it sounds like either he's in the service side of things or relief.
3. Maybe he loves his job...maybe he loves the money, usually it's the latter. I don't know too many guys that say "oh goody, I get to get up at 4am and stand outside in -40C for 15 hours", usually what I hear is "well it's time and a half after 8 but since it's a holiday I get double time for 8 and double and a half past". ***NOTE*** I live in Canada where it really is -40C and worse in winter.
4.If you think it's rough now, and you really see a future with this man...add some kids...that will make some days unbearable.
5. Being a Rig-Wife CAN be done, don't think of it as a "long-distance relationship" though, because those don't have a great rate for working out. It's more of a "my boyfriend works on the rigs" relationship, go about everyday life as if you would if nothing was different and nobody was missing, stopping what you like doing will just make you bitter about his absence. When he arrives home, include him in YOUR life. Don't stop just 'cause he's gone.

Well, there's my 2 cents.lol. Nice to meet all of you.

-

Permalink Reply by Carly W. on September 17, 2009 at 9:24am

I'm from Alberta too, and that's a good part of the reason I moved a little further north to be with him. We are together more than we would be if I stayed back in our home town. The days where they have no jobs, he has shop work. He just had a week and a half of shop work, so I got to see him every night. It tied into his days off, so he was home for all of September so far, though he's going back up pretty soon here. Though it was only a week, it was worth it :) So yah, I do see him more often. But it's not only that - the move was good for me too. There is tons of opportunity up here for me. I'm going to go to college soon, I've got a job I could only dream about in my hometown. And he doesn't have to travel down the hell that is the highway linking the cities together every set of days off during the winter. Safety was another thing we worried about.

I'm doing fine with it though. This place and the positive advice goes a long way.

I know what I'm getting into. He's worth it :)

Thanks.

Permalink Reply by Kim Mullen on September 18, 2009 at 10:38am

Great post!

Permalink Reply by Melissa House on December 3, 2009 at 1:17pm

before i came into evan's life he loved his job, he looked forward to goin to work. had no problem leaving, and would of just stayed there if he could of. but then i happened and now he hates leavin...he puts it off till the last minute to spend as much time with me. he's so amazing. i know he loves his job and so do i. but i'm his #1 now and he makes sure i know it. he's more than i ever could'be asked for, and i'm so thankful to have him. of course i'd love to have him everyday every week all the time but its life. we love each other and know that everything will be alright because he'll always come right back home to me, damn i love him..

Permalink Reply by delonda lee harris on March 20, 2010 at 1:10pm

i completely understand what you mean, my boyfriend and i live in Arkansas and he works in Oklahoma, far west side, he works 12 hour a night for 14 days so when im getting up with the kids hes going to bed,(500) miles away, so in order to communicate with him at all i have to stay up all night hoping for a 3 second "i love you" call, but with 4 kids its nearly inpossible to do so, so when hes at work i get nearly nothing from him as far as communication, we have had the new job conversation a million time and disagreed with him at every point, but i have come to find that oilfield pays the bills and more, atleast thats what i tell myself, its hard to determine which is more inportant to these guys because i went to work with my boyfriend once and they become robots, so much its almost scary. but just focus on the small things and im sure you have been told a million times that is not that bad but trust me i understand where you are coming from, feel free e-mail me at harrisdelonda23@yahoo.com, maybe we can share advice, lord know all us oilfield women need all the advice we can get, hope to hear from u, thank

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