Sometimes we all just need to ramble.....

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Permalink Reply by Jane on June 10, 2009 at 10:42pm

Yes, I have been an oilfield wife for 21 years. What you say is true, but I must admit I am a lot better now that I am not so young.

How have I made a happy home and life for myself?
1) I have interests of my own. 2) I do not resent the work that goes undone. I do it myself, hire it out or put it on the list. 3) I realize that the job and the family can not be his only time and do not get mad when he goes golfing, or fishing. Ok, sometimes I do, but only if it gets out of balance with family time. 4) I keep my kids busy and active. My husband used to resent that the world did not stop when he walked through the door, but I said, Nope, if we have to put up with your crazy job, then you have to blend back in when you come and go, and get those kids to school.

Mostly my best piece of advice: Never, ever live beyond the last position held. There is always bumping and if you can not afford to be bumped, that is a BUMMER. Put aside some of the money, no matter what, when it is good. I know that you think you can't but if you do that, you will be ready when you eventually hit really hard times. I would rather suck it up during good times and stash cash in a savings account that you do not touch.

I try real hard not to resent people who have no idea how hard it is, the bust and boom cycle. I try even harder not to get angry when they actually seem to have the mentality that Drilling in the US is a bad thing. They never want us until the boom is gone and they all sit crying about school budgets and no new roads.

I try to remind myself, it always comes back because people need Natural Gas it is not a want item but a need item.

Permalink Reply by brandy leger on June 12, 2009 at 7:32am

i really enjoyed reading your post,i am from a small town in louisiana also,my husband has been in the oilfield for almost 17 years, i am a rough neck wife and proud of it, dont mind fixin things around the house, try to get every thing done around the house before he gets on his days off, so when he is off we dont have to worry about yard or house work. he kinda grippes cause i dont leave him any grass to cut lol, b*** i love to cut grass, we usally cook at home a lot verry seldome go eat out.id rather cook at home taste so much better, but i think all of us coon a**** love food. lol ,for instance tonight we are cookin shoe pick patties and fried frog legs,mmmm caint wait. i verry seldom watch t.v. mostly listen to the radio , when scott is home ill sit and watch a little tv with him, and latley iv been seeing a lot of going green comercials, i told him that the other day , thats why the rigs arent going up their playing to many green com.lol, the idea of going green is alright but they have to relize i have 3 trucks cant afford no hybrid, my trucks still take oil and gas.so they need to keep drilling keep it turnin to the right.lol.i hope it gets better, cause their sure are a lot of people in a bine. well i hope i didnt talk any ones ear off lol. and i will keep every one in my prayers .. well yall have a good day later..... :}

Permalink Reply by Dawn Bergeaux on June 12, 2009 at 12:16pm

Since we are young, we don't remember the years before when the oilfield came to a halt. Our past years we lived with the feeling that we just as soon spend the money while we are here because we can't take it with us. These days, I've been taught a lesson. You never know what can happen. We've never been good at saving money. We just buy what we want, when we want it. Hell, we both work hard and deserve the better things in life, right? Sure we do, we all do. But, now with a house note, I realize that when things pick back up, I need to learn how to save money. I at least want to be able to pay a few house notes in case something happens. I know that no matter what happens, I'll always have a job. Nursing jobs come a dime a dozen. I, however, can not support all of our needs. We don't have any children. Sometimes, I think I'm crazy because we are now trying again to get pregnant. What happens if I do get pregnant and Eric looses his job? I know he's a hard worker, but there's just not enough jobs out there rite now. How will we pay for the bills we have, plus medical bills and a baby? I, of course, will have to work so we'll never qualify for free assistance. I keep reminding myself that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. He'll find a way to help you provide.

I could go on all day about the oilfield, but everyone here knows what it's like. It's tough. It turns you into a whole nother person with a whole new family. Without our husbands, we wouldn't have had the experiences that made us so happy when we look back on those memories. I thank God everyday for my husband. I may not always agree with him but at least we agree to disagree! Oh well! On another note-looking forward to those shoepick patties at Brandy's!

Permalink Reply by Jane on June 12, 2009 at 2:08pm

I have never heard of a a "shoepick Patty" LOL.

I was raised in the oilfield and I remember the 80's very well. (I actually married my DH in 88 but that is when times were a bit better, well steady at least) Than we had to move because there was nothing going on in Gillette. Around 82-83 when things got real bad 2 of my Dad's co workers killed themselves. I used to babysit for one of them. Bud was his name, he left his wife and 2 boys behind. Oh, yes when times were good, new houses, new pick-ups, new boats. We lost our house, but I remember more than anything that Bud took his life over his job and bills. I knew then that I would never let money rule me.

Oh, I admit to having that entitled feeling, and we take some nice vacations. Other than that, we live pretty conservatively, not counting the Denali I drive LOL. (I got it used and I figure I am trying to keep the gas demand up!)

Now though, when I feel entitled I try to feel entitled to a good life, and college educations for my kids. I want security in the way of a decent savings accounts, and frankly I don't care that my friends think we are rolling in the dough.

I have a set budget and the rest goes to savings, or extra towards the bills. I figure if it is my DH's job to make the money it is mine to stretch it as far as it will go. There are a lot of Broke People out there spending every last cent, no matter how much they make. I knew a lady, her DH was a big wig with an oil company. Her house looked like a mansion, and I have no idea what it must have cost, long stretch drive way, landscaped. She came to me asking for ideas to make money to buy her kids clothes. That is right, I learned that everything is not as it seems.

Did you know most Doctors and lawyers are flat broke when they start out, so deep in debt with student loans they can't breathe and they lease those clothes, cars and houses to look the part.

Dave Ramsey says that is "All Hat No Cattle." apparently it is a Texas saying.

I can also relate to trying to get everything done so my Dh and I don't have to spend all his days off doing yard work. My friends act like DH doesn't do his part...they don't get it, that I want to do all this when he is gone. It helps keep me busy anyway and there are sometimes that I actually he was gone one more day so I could get it all done. LOL.
They are miners wives and their dh's work 4 on and 4 off.

I am really enjoying "talking" to other women who do not judge and who actually get it.

Off to do yard work now. :)

Permalink Reply by April on June 13, 2009 at 9:56am

i was born in 84, so don't remeber much about the times them. but i hear the stories that my mom has told me. my dad got out a couple years later and went back in 96 i think. I rember it taking a slow down a few years later and was old enough to understand that things would be tight. So at the beginning of the year when we found out his rig was getting stacked i of course panicked. this was my hubby's first experience with it and he looked at me and said u've been through this before and knew it was a possibility. I said yea, but it's different to look at the situation as a teenager and now have to go through it as an adult with a child of my own.

I agree with you guys about doing as much stuff around here as I can. i like for david to be able to come home and rest or do what he wants. I have a two year old that would be rather be outside all day long anyhow so I have help with the yard work,lol. Have to constantly keep the battery for his little john deere tractor charged. But my husband is just as bad about trying to get stuff done before my dad comes home. They work on the same rig and david sees the mental stress dad gets alot of times(he's a toolpusher) and he knows fishing is my dad's best way of unwinding on his seven days home and he wants him to have time to do that.

Have a good day everyone and Jane have fun in the yard!

Permalink Reply by John Henri on June 14, 2009 at 1:49am

Hi to all the oilfield wives.
I've been in the patch since the mid 70's and my wife has stood by me no matter what has been going on. Ever since 1980 I've been running fishing tools which means that I've been working on call, never knowing when I'm going to work or when I'm going to get home. As you can imagine that sort of routine can wear the best of us down but my wife has always accepted that is my job.
I'd just like to say to all of you. Thanks for standing by us and remember no matter how grumpy we can be at times we still and always will love you.

Permalink Reply by Andrea Petersen on July 24, 2009 at 10:39am

What a great post and every part of it is sooo true! Its like we are single moms for 2 weeks at a time. Rough but we manage to get through it. Im new to this board but im going to keep checking it out. You girls leave some very helpful ideas and tips and its greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Permalink Reply by Genie Strong on September 29, 2009 at 9:00am

That is very true. It all goes wrong when your roughnecks gone!! But I wouldn't trade my life for anything in this world. I love being an oilfield wife. Yeah it's hard when hes gone but when he comes back all of you ladies know that excited feeling you get when you know his hitch is close to being done and hes coming home to you. I love my husband more then anything and I am so proud to have him. He tells me how lucky he is to have me but I'm the lucky one. There aren't too many women that have hard working men like we do. My prayers to all the oilfield families. What they do is dangerous but they love it!

Permalink Reply by Carly W. on September 29, 2009 at 1:09pm

Fantastic reading :) Honest, but positive. Thank you!

My father was an oilfield man my entire childhood. There was a lot of tension at home when he came back - things were not done, mine and my brother's toys were everywhere. Just like someone else said - the world failed to start revolving around him the moment he came home. He had to fit in and couldn't, so my parents split. I swore to never see a man who is involved with the oilfield.

And here I am ;)

We're in a relatively new relationship, but we're learning what to do/not to do and what not to say, even if I want to say it. He is working very hard and I have a LOT of respect for that, and him.

We've got a lot of love between us. Now I'm finding more and more things to do without him when he is gone for weeks. It helps, and so do you ladies/gents! :)

Permalink Reply by angiem357 on January 29, 2011 at 10:50pm

I'm not sure if this fits in here or not, but I didn't want to start a whole new thread because this is - by 100% definition - rambling!

I can't seem to get into my own groove after my man's gone. He does a 14/14. He was not in oil when I met him. He's only been doing this for a few months, to be honest. It seems like it's been forever and, at the same time, like it just started.

The night he leaves and starts packing, I go through all of the same patterns: I help him, then I get really quiet and just watch him, then I start getting emotional. After he leaves, I go back and forth between crying like a small child, and being fine. Sometimes I can't even force myself to leave his house because I can't stand the thought of sleeping by myself at my own home. Well, that, and it's dangerous for me to drive on the highway while I'm bawling.

Of course, I do eventually go home (i have dogs that need me!) and I can't sleep. I lay on my bed, on top of the covers, fully clothed, and just pray that I can stop my brain long enough to sleep. If I'm lucky, the next night, I may relax enough to sleep on the couch in jammies. It's like I literally fall into a depression. I kinda slack off on getting the bills paid on time, I don't get much cleaning done except for laundry, and I don't get jack accomplished when I get off work. I have a tendency to not eat very much while he's gone. It's like all the day-to-day stuff I enjoyed before we started dating and since we've been together just disappear while he's at work.

It seems like I'm pretty much okay while I'm at work - because it keeps me busy and it's been part of my routine for years (so it seems normal) - even though my mind stays preoccupied with him and wondering if he'll be able to call before his shift. It's even harder, because I'm a teacher and it's generally frowned upon to take a personal call in the middle of a class!

I was just thinking about how ridiculous it seems to other people that I insist on wearing a jacket or sweatshirt or t-shirt of his, or how I prefer to drive one of his piece-of-sh*t trucks while leaving my nearly-new Jeep in the garage and, of course, these bizarre things I'm doing like not sleeping in my bed.

There's something about the wiring in my brain that's all messed up. He can be here in town and we can be apart all day and most of the night for whatever reason, and I'm fine. I'm not panicky, anxious, depressed, or anything. It's no different, technically, because we're not together, so what is it? Is the problem that I can't just call him whenever I want? Is it because I know we're not going to be cooking dinner later? Is it because I know there won't be any of that cherished downtime where we're curled up on the couch together, each of us on our laptops? Maybe it's just that I know I won't be held close all night while we sleep. Either way, I'm still having a hard time dealing with this and it makes me feel weak. I really am such an independent person - I've never needed a man for not one single thing (well, okay...maybe ONE) - and I can do everything I need to get done without him. So what's wrong with me?

Please tell me - someone, anyone - that you have some rather bizarre habits that surface when you're on your own...And not just that awesome perk of not having to shave your legs for 2 weeks - THAT, I actually look forward to!

Permalink Reply by Victoria Pace on January 31, 2011 at 8:34pm

I sleep sideways - at the head of the bed now, my head where his chest would be - piles of pillows behind me and in front of me. And is an improvement over what I used to do which was close the bedroom door when he left and refuse to acknowledge that room again until he came back home.
Let's see -- Bizarre?
I wear all of his shirts (not oilfield dirty - but unwashed from his days off) to bed every night. They all finally get washed the day he's supposed to come home.
I forward every text that he sends me to my email and keep every single "I love you" and "I miss you" in a file on my hard drive.
I save the voice-mails as sound files and store them as ringtones (this started because IF I miss a call, he always starts the voice-mail with "Baaabeeee Dolllll, where's my Baby Doll?" )-- there just isn't ANY better ring tone in the world than hearing his voice and those words coming out of my purse while I'm in the middle of Dillard's. (And the looks I get are priceless!)
Gee I'm telling on myself bad aren't I? :)
We all deal with it in our own 'bizarre' little ways - and I think it's very endearing to them. A very high form of flattery, certainly, to know that being without them upsets our very ability to exist in a somewhat odd, sometimes sad, but usually rather comical way (if you think about it).

Permalink Reply by angiem357 on January 31, 2011 at 10:16pm

I'm tearing up because I'm so glad I'm not the only one. You have no idea what I've gone through - some of my friends convincing me I need to "see someone" because I can't handle stress, so much that I was reported to my boss and was put on paid administrative leave. All because I told a co-worker that I was having a hard time and was sleeping on the couch in my clothes and getting up extra-early to get ready for work.

I knew I wasn't crazy. The only reason I haven't saved his voice as a ringtone is because I'm wearing the finish off my cell from carrying it around 24/7 in case he calls. Like, for real. So I get no VMs because I always answer.

I can work myself up into a tizzy just thinking about how much I miss him but - I swear - this reply makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER, I'm not sure you have any idea. Thank you, thank you, thank you...a million times over - thank you.

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